OFUH: Official Fanfiction University of Hellsing
by Dalia N'Shard
Summary: Inspired by Carmella Sandman's Official University of Middleearth, and all the off-shoot academies. Enter At Your Own Risk.


"_You never kno." She wisperd, eyelids lowerd in a flirtatious manor. "It just miht hapen." _

_Alukard grinned, his eys never leaving te elegant curvasiose figure of Demeter Blutengal._

"_So u say." He murmered._

_Demeter slunk up to the sexy nosferatu, the moonlite gleaming off of her full blud red lips nd sparkling off her wite fangs and jeweled ruby eyes and shining through her golden hair streaked with scarlet and ebony. "You just may fall hed over heels in luv with me Dracula." she wispered pasionately, caressing his smooth chiseled features with 1 slender ivory hand._

"_And if I alredy have?" he replied, kissing her full on the lips._

Kate leaned back, sighing contentedly. Another chapter completed another chapter to add to her wonderful fanfiction. She was already making plans for the next chapter; Alucard would take Demeter on a mission and she would save Integra from a marauding vampire. Integra would be so grateful that she'd insist on Demeter joining Hellsing. Yes, it was such a perfect story.

She was just about to click the submit button when she heard a rustling from behind her. Turning, the fan-author saw a boy in a short uniform that reminded her of the old boy scouts outfits, tumble haphazardly out of her closet. As he got up she noticed a pair of cat ears poking out of his ruffled blond hair.

"Who the hell are you?" Kate asked the boy, trying to determine whether or not she should call for her parents.

The cat ears on the boy's head twitched, startling her. "Zo it ist true den," He answered, his English thickly accented with something Kate thought was either German or French. "Anoder vone who's only seen der TV series."

Kate snorted; giving the intruder her best valley girl act, "Well of course, I mean really, the TV series is like, the same as the manga. Hey! What the hell doing with my computer!?"

The catboy looked up from reading Kate's masterpiece, "Brr, kein vunder zie sent me here. Vere did du learn how to spell?"

Kate glared back at him," Listen freak," she was cut off by a beeping sound coming from the catboy, who pulled a cell phone and answered it.

"Jah, I'm at der site of ze disturbance. Jah…jah…der badfic transmissions vere commink from ein fan autor who only has seen der TV series. Nien, und du owe me tventy Euros fur thinkink it vas ein AxI story. Vas kind?" The catboy scrolled down, reading the fanfiction. "Ein Sue-fic."

"Demeter Blutengal isn't a Mary-Sue!" Kate yelled at the boy; who continued to ignore her, as he took a photo of her computer screen and sent it to whoever he was talking to.

"Jah, I haff der application forms. Nien, I haven't told der autor yet. Jah, jah, ciao."

The boy turned and addressed Kate."Meine name ist Schrödinger. I am Varrent officer of der letztes Bataillon; but seeing as du are only acquainted mit der televised version of Hellsing, I can't expect du to know anyding about us."

He pulled out a small monitor and set it on Kate's desk, pressing the button of a remote control he muttered something about shoddy equipment. The screen cleared of static to reveal a short obese man, who strongly reminded Kate of a toad. The man smiled hugely, raising a hand in acknowledgement and addressed the disgusted fan-author.

"Greetings fräulein autor, recently it hast come to our attention dat ve of, as du vould call, der Hellsingverse haff become der target of some truly awful stories. Im retaliation to dis, ve haff banded togeder to…"

The man stopped mid-sentence before pulling a wrinkled piece of paper out of an inside coat pocket and scanning down it.

"Ach jah, das vas it." He mumbled to himself before continuing. "Ve haff banded togeder to form ein university dedicated to teaching der proper und canonical use of our respective characters im der fanfictions, extra courses include OC Creations class und Grammar Boot Camp. Your contact," Here he nodded to Schrödinger. "Vill accommodate du vith der proper application forms, vich vill be collected ven filled out. Der university opens tomorrow, classes start next veek. Und it vould be unvise to try und get out of it, if you do, zen your fanfiction license vill be revoked und du vill be locked im der Closet of Bad Plots. Gute Nacht, Fräulein, auf Wiedersehen."

The screen went blank and Schrödinger pocketed the monitor. Turning to Kate he handed her a sheet of paper and a pen. "Fill dese out bitte." He said, before popping out of Kate's universe.

"That's it," Kate thought, "I must be dreaming, may as well enjoy myself though." She picked up the pen and paper and began to fill it out.

**Name/Alias: **

Kate was about to fill in her real name but decided against it. It was her dream after all, she reasoned. She wrote _Demeter Blutengal_ instead.

**Male/Female/Transsexual/Non-Applicable**

That part confused Kate a bit. "Is Non-Applicable like Incognito?" she asked thin air without getting an answer.

Kate shuddered at the thought and circled **Female**.

**Human/Vampire/Lycian/Other **

Kate grinned and circled **Vampire**.

**Age:**

Here Kate stopped to think. In all the stories she'd read the really powerful vampires had been ancient, but she didn't want to be older then her Hellsing heartthrob so she wrote down _368_.

**Appearance:**

Kate avidly began to write the description of her OC.

_6'3"with long glossy, silky, golden hair streaked with scarlet and ebony, perfectly proportioned body, huge almond shaped eyes like sparkly rubies ringed with long black eyelashes, smooth ivory skin, perfect heart-shaped lips the color of blood._

**Lust Object (i.e. Alucard, Anderson, Walter, the Captain, ect):**

'That's easy.' Kate thought writing down _Alucard_; she couldn't understand why someone would be attracted Anderson, he was a bad guy after all. Not to mention it would be just plain disgusting to lust after an old man, and as for The Captain, whoever he was, he must not be that important since she couldn't remember him.

**Please list the version/s of Hellsing that you are familiar with:**

'Easy enough.' Kate thought as she wrote down _TV version_.

**Favorite Character/s:**

"A-kado!" Kate said in a singsong voice, writing Alucard's name in the space next to the question.

**Least Favorite Character/s: **

"Seras," Kate said almost instantly, writing down her answer. "She's such a stupid little ditz."

**Have you ever been enrolled in an OFU before?**

'OFU, what the hell is that?' Kate thought as she wrote down _no_.

**I understand that by signing this…**

Kate didn't bother to finish reading the rest of the fine print before signing the name she'd chosen. Setting the paper aside, she groaned at the time on her clock, 1:37 AM. Her parents had been constantly nagging her to get packed for their trip to Arkansas, although Kate didn't think that visiting some great-great aunt was anyway to spend a summer.

The girl drifted off to sleep, unaware of the blood seeping from beneath her closet door.

* * *

If you would like to enroll, just PM me with the above form, plus personality, and habits.


End file.
